Reader Discretion Advised

I thought she was old when I first met her, and she was only 69. That was 20 years ago. Time goes fast. This week I have been overwhelmed. Busy. Fighting off a cold. Exhausted. Happy. Sad. Lonely in a crowd. Feeling like I'm the only one....and I know I'm not.

The Winter Woolen Workshop post will have to wait.

This whole week has been a week of changing plans, being flexible, and putting out fires. And I thought today would be different. Friday. I couldn't wait for Friday because it would be a free day and I knew I would need it.

But today...I have a heavy heart. And I need to get it out. I don't even care if you don't read this....it'll probably be long....and it won't be my usual happy go lucky kind of post.

You see, we moved my 89 year old Mother-in-Law into an Assisted Living facility yesterday. I spent a lot of time in the last couple of weeks attending meetings, making phone calls, running errands, filling out paperwork, shopping for necessities...trying to get things ready so it would be a smooth transition. And on Monday, everything kind of fell apart. I spent most of Monday and Tuesday putting out fires, all the while fighting off a cold. I went to bed at 8:00 p.m. Tuesday. I slept through the entire night, not waking up once.

Let me say, without going into a lot of details....

The nursing home had the wrong move dates.

Home Health Care didn't get discharge papers from the nursing home. Without them they can't order the hospital bed.

My MIL gave all of the papers that were for assisted living, to the nursing home. They wouldn't give them back. They said they would but they never did. Some of those papers had to be signed by a Dr. Now they all need filled out again, and probably re-signed.

The nursing home facility was quarantined last weekend because all but ten residents, and some staff, ended up with the stomach flu. Including her.

She cannot hear unless you sit in front of her and yell. You know how when you are at a crowded noisy bar. There's live music. You are trying to have a conversation with the person next to you, so you yell. That's how you have to talk to her. It's draining.

When Wednesday came, we loaded up the truck....four times....and got everything moved. I was excited. The room looked like "home." As much as it could anyway for going from a two bedroom condo to a one room studio apartment.

And here's the sad part. I expected her to be happy. To be excited. I even called my Mom and told her the apartment really looks nice, the assisted living facility is such a nice place you feel like you are on vacation. You do....if you are healthy and young and can hear and can walk. They have a fitness room, and a movie theatre, and an activities area, and a library, etc. Mom told me not to be too disappointed if she wasn't excited.

What was I thinking?

The thing is, she is a negative type person in the best case scenario. I expected too much. She is overwhelmed. She feels like she is in the middle of a storm. She is justified to feel that way. Physically her health is failing. I'm concerned that this stress is making her fail mentally. It's been a rough week on her. On us.

We didn't even get an exit meeting at the nursing home.

Her medicines were dumped at the assisted living facility, and I spent over an hour, with several phone calls trying to sort them. I'm not in the medical field. I don't know that when someone writes norco on a list, it is hydrocodone on the bottle. I don't know what a lasix drug name is. I know what it does, I don't know the names of those drugs. I do know cumedin can be written as warfarin. (I hear it's rat poison) She takes a dozen pills, at least. Over an hour sorting pills....

I had to be home by 1:00. I had been there, yelling, since 9:30. Overwhelmed. When I walked out the door to her room, I took two steps, leaned against the wall and started to cry. Not sob, just tears with a few deep cleansing breaths. My throat hurt. Not from the cold. From sadness. I had a lump in it.

But I sucked it up and moved on.

I came home, let the dogs out, and got dressed up. My Sister, Dad, Mom, and I were going out. We already had purchased tickets to a symphony, in Indianapolis. Too bad the weather added to the stress. Lordy was it snowing. The roads were a mess, the snow was pouring down, the wind was blowing. We saw a car in the ditch on the way to Indy. People were driving 30-35 mph all the way there. But when we got in Indy, no snow! The weather, an hour away, was great.

This event was the same one we went to last year. You spend an hour and a half walking around to different tables, trying different foods and drinks.

The first thing I tried, I promptly put my napkin to my lips and spit it out, in the napkin! ewww. Get me something to drink. If it weren't so dark in the room I might have seen that it was loaded with onions. But the lights were low, for ambiance. I can also say for certain now that I do not like spicy meatballs with bacon in them, I do not like olive tapenade(sp-something like that), and I do like the chicken rings at White Castle!!!

My parents are 76. They are not old! It was a much needed change for me that day. Being around older people, but enjoying their company. Actually, Mom called me earlier that day and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I said, "No I've had enough of old people for one day." She just started laughing and asked me if I was still going to go that evening. That's the way our family is. We tell it like it is. We joke. We help each other. We get mad. We get over it. We care.

Dad likes to be philosophical. He told us you have to have a sense of humor in life. I agree. My MIL does not have a sense of humor.

I just thought I'd throw this picture in. It's the view from the Hilbert theatre in downtown Indianapolis. This is the "circle." Right smack in the middle of town.

These are all the people at the Hilbert theatre, getting samples of food and drinks.

Popular event. By the way, Bud Light is coming out with a new beer today and it's called Bud Light Platinum (I think) Anyway, it's yummy. I think it is anyway. I think I will enjoy it this summer after a hot sweaty time in the beehives. It's about the only time I really like beer.

And the group that performed with the Indianapolis Symphony is called "Time for Three." Shara Worden of My Brightest Diamond sang a couple of songs as a guest. She is not the usual type of singer that I listen to. I'm a Van Morrison, James Taylor, Carly Simon, John Mellencamp, etc. type of girl. But she sang this song

and it was fitting. It's about wearing a mask, being brave, even when you are overwhelmed.

When I started getting ready to go to Indianapolis, I was good. I was having fun. I was with family, with a sense of humor.

On the way home the roads were better. Until we hit our town. I slid through an intersection, but we were safe. Dad even said I slid through it just like a professional and it was kind a fun! The wind had died down, the snow stopped, and we made it home safely. We had a good time. A good ending to a stressful day (week).

Nope.

I walked in the door, let the dogs out to potty, and My Shug tells me (he was in bed but he got up) that Winston had pooped in his cage. I said, "I don't blame him he's been in it most of the day. I would too if I had to poop." Then my Shug said, "when he went to see his Mom, she had wet herself. " She knew she did, but she was waiting for her 'help' to come in and get her ready for bed. She told him she can't make it to the bathroom. We talked for about an hour. We don't know what has happened this last week for her to change so quickly. Or maybe she's been hiding it all along. We don't know. We just don't know.

I went to bed with a heavy heart. I woke up with a heavy heart. I cannot run three households. I can't. Right now I'm not doing well with one. Building another. And helping my MIL. Our house is becoming a negative place to be and I don't like it. It scares me. I feel unsettled.

I don't want my house to be that way,.

I don't want to be that way.

If I'm not on here for awhile, I'll be back. I need to take time off of the computer to get things settled. I gotta live. I need to feel good when I put my head on the pillow at night. I'll be back. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. But I will be back.

Cindy Bee