In my blog I plan to chat about nature, crafts, baking, gardening, beekeeping, family, and whatever else seems appropriate at the time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Reader Discretion Advised

I thought she was old when I first met her, and she was only 69. That was 20 years ago. Time goes fast. This week I have been overwhelmed. Busy. Fighting off a cold. Exhausted. Happy. Sad. Lonely in a crowd. Feeling like I'm the only one....and I know I'm not.

The Winter Woolen Workshop post will have to wait.

This whole week has been a week of changing plans, being flexible, and putting out fires. And I thought today would be different. Friday. I couldn't wait for Friday because it would be a free day and I knew I would need it.

But today...I have a heavy heart. And I need to get it out. I don't even care if you don't read this....it'll probably be long....and it won't be my usual happy go lucky kind of post.

You see, we moved my 89 year old Mother-in-Law into an Assisted Living facility yesterday. I spent a lot of time in the last couple of weeks attending meetings, making phone calls, running errands, filling out paperwork, shopping for necessities...trying to get things ready so it would be a smooth transition. And on Monday, everything kind of fell apart. I spent most of Monday and Tuesday putting out fires, all the while fighting off a cold. I went to bed at 8:00 p.m. Tuesday. I slept through the entire night, not waking up once.


Let me say, without going into a lot of details....

The nursing home had the wrong move dates.

Home Health Care didn't get discharge papers from the nursing home. Without them they can't order the hospital bed.

My MIL gave all of the papers that were for assisted living, to the nursing home. They wouldn't give them back. They said they would but they never did. Some of those papers had to be signed by a Dr. Now they all need filled out again, and probably re-signed.

The nursing home facility was quarantined last weekend because all but ten residents, and some staff, ended up with the stomach flu. Including her.

She cannot hear unless you sit in front of her and yell. You know how when you are at a crowded noisy bar. There's live music. You are trying to have a conversation with the person next to you, so you yell. That's how you have to talk to her. It's draining.



When Wednesday came, we loaded up the truck....four times....and got everything moved. I was excited. The room looked like "home." As much as it could anyway for going from a two bedroom condo to a one room studio apartment.







And here's the sad part. I expected her to be happy. To be excited. I even called my Mom and told her the apartment really looks nice, the assisted living facility is such a nice place you feel like you are on vacation. You do....if you are healthy and young and can hear and can walk. They have a fitness room, and a movie theatre, and an activities area, and a library, etc. Mom told me not to be too disappointed if she wasn't excited.

What was I thinking?

The thing is, she is a negative type person in the best case scenario. I expected too much. She is overwhelmed. She feels like she is in the middle of a storm. She is justified to feel that way. Physically her health is failing. I'm concerned that this stress is making her fail mentally. It's been a rough week on her. On us.

We didn't even get an exit meeting at the nursing home.

Her medicines were dumped at the assisted living facility, and I spent over an hour, with several phone calls trying to sort them. I'm not in the medical field. I don't know that when someone writes norco on a list, it is hydrocodone on the bottle. I don't know what a lasix drug name is. I know what it does, I don't know the names of those drugs. I do know cumedin can be written as warfarin. (I hear it's rat poison) She takes a dozen pills, at least. Over an hour sorting pills....

I had to be home by 1:00. I had been there, yelling, since 9:30. Overwhelmed. When I walked out the door to her room, I took two steps, leaned against the wall and started to cry. Not sob, just tears with a few deep cleansing breaths. My throat hurt. Not from the cold. From sadness. I had a lump in it.


But I sucked it up and moved on.

I came home, let the dogs out, and got dressed up. My Sister, Dad, Mom, and I were going out. We already had purchased tickets to a symphony, in Indianapolis. Too bad the weather added to the stress. Lordy was it snowing. The roads were a mess, the snow was pouring down, the wind was blowing. We saw a car in the ditch on the way to Indy. People were driving 30-35 mph all the way there. But when we got in Indy, no snow! The weather, an hour away, was great.



This event was the same one we went to last year. You spend an hour and a half walking around to different tables, trying different foods and drinks.


The first thing I tried, I promptly put my napkin to my lips and spit it out, in the napkin! ewww. Get me something to drink. If it weren't so dark in the room I might have seen that it was loaded with onions. But the lights were low, for ambiance. I can also say for certain now that I do not like spicy meatballs with bacon in them, I do not like olive tapenade(sp-something like that), and I do like the chicken rings at White Castle!!!


My parents are 76. They are not old! It was a much needed change for me that day. Being around older people, but enjoying their company. Actually, Mom called me earlier that day and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I said, "No I've had enough of old people for one day." She just started laughing and asked me if I was still going to go that evening. That's the way our family is. We tell it like it is. We joke. We help each other. We get mad. We get over it. We care.


Dad likes to be philosophical. He told us you have to have a sense of humor in life. I agree. My MIL does not have a sense of humor.


I just thought I'd throw this picture in. It's the view from the Hilbert theatre in downtown Indianapolis. This is the "circle." Right smack in the middle of town.



These are all the people at the Hilbert theatre, getting samples of food and drinks.


Popular event. By the way, Bud Light is coming out with a new beer today and it's called Bud Light Platinum (I think) Anyway, it's yummy. I think it is anyway. I think I will enjoy it this summer after a hot sweaty time in the beehives. It's about the only time I really like beer.

And the group that performed with the Indianapolis Symphony is called "Time for Three." Shara Worden of My Brightest Diamond sang a couple of songs as a guest. She is not the usual type of singer that I listen to. I'm a Van Morrison, James Taylor, Carly Simon, John Mellencamp, etc. type of girl. But she sang this song


and it was fitting. It's about wearing a mask, being brave, even when you are overwhelmed.


When I started getting ready to go to Indianapolis, I was good. I was having fun. I was with family, with a sense of humor.


On the way home the roads were better. Until we hit our town. I slid through an intersection, but we were safe. Dad even said I slid through it just like a professional and it was kind a fun! The wind had died down, the snow stopped, and we made it home safely. We had a good time. A good ending to a stressful day (week).


Nope.


I walked in the door, let the dogs out to potty, and My Shug tells me (he was in bed but he got up) that Winston had pooped in his cage. I said, "I don't blame him he's been in it most of the day. I would too if I had to poop." Then my Shug said, "when he went to see his Mom, she had wet herself. " She knew she did, but she was waiting for her 'help' to come in and get her ready for bed. She told him she can't make it to the bathroom. We talked for about an hour. We don't know what has happened this last week for her to change so quickly. Or maybe she's been hiding it all along. We don't know. We just don't know.

I went to bed with a heavy heart. I woke up with a heavy heart. I cannot run three households. I can't. Right now I'm not doing well with one. Building another. And helping my MIL. Our house is becoming a negative place to be and I don't like it. It scares me. I feel unsettled.


I don't want my house to be that way,.


I don't want to be that way.


If I'm not on here for awhile, I'll be back. I need to take time off of the computer to get things settled. I gotta live. I need to feel good when I put my head on the pillow at night. I'll be back. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. But I will be back.


Cindy Bee

30 comments:

  1. Hugs to you. I know they won't help fix things but know you have support out here in blogland. I work doing counseling on a psych unit and I just did a post about women who do to much. I've seen a huge upsurge recently in women who have reached the end of their ropes. Make sure you take care of yourself in all of this. Have some enforced 'down time' to do something just for you- and DON'T feel guilty about it. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be any good for anyone- not even you.

    Take care.
    Judy

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  2. My heart goes out to you. I can so totally understand - we have a similar situation with slightly different variations on the theme going on with my MIL who was forced to move (her words) into an independent living community... only we're finding out she's not so independent!
    I agree with Judy... get some 'me' time in there. Take time to breathe!

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  3. Cindy, I feel for you. I have been having a really hard couple of weeks too. My daughter is seriously ill with her MS and it is a draining a chronic illness it never lets up.I pray alot and I keep busy. That sounds like my daughters week fighting with insurance companies,making appointments for training for shots while being seriously ill.Hang in there keep up your spirits and realize that not everything is in your hands.Hugs Cheri

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  4. {{GIANT HUG}}
    Cindy~ this is close to my heart.
    You are right it is draining. It's exhausting. It is a freakin' roller coaster that you desperately want to get off!
    Im so glad you were able to come downtown for some breathing (even if it was cold breathing!) I am so glad your parents are "young at heart" as well as physically young.
    Be sure you take ca\re of yourself, you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself♥

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  5. I woulda helped you with that med list, Boo.
    Sorry youre going through this

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  6. Oh my Cindy Bee, what a horrible awful week you have had. Can you just take a day off for you? Crochet, watch a movie and recoup? Get well. I got the patterns ready to send and was out of envelopes. lol. Have not gone into the city since the Vertigo has taken over my body. Need to just go and get things done. Ears do not feel any different than they did almost two weeks ago. But my troubles, a drop in the bucket next to your week. Does your hubs have other siblings to help? Well, I hope you have a quiet weekend. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  7. OH Cindy Bee,
    I don't have any words of wisdom. Keep the faith and breath and breath again.

    Thinking of you
    Julie

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  8. Oh my dear Cindy I just want to hug you close. So much stress I understand this. Take all the time you need and if you need to talk we will be hear to listen.
    Stress has been apart of my life for five years and talking does help, so do hugs and since I can't give you one real one here are a few virtual ones HUG HUG HUG HUG. Do what you can and that is all you can do you need to take care of yourself too I know the guilt but you need to look after yourself too(I know that is a repeat) but I have paid for ignoring my own health be it physical or mental. I know this from experience. Please take care of yourself. B

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  9. Oh my gosh but you have a big heavy load on your shoulders.I wish I could be there to help you but since I can not, please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.Big hugs,Jen

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  10. I hope you have had some moments of joy and lightness.
    I wanted to tell you, but not overwhelm you, that I have passed the "Liebster Blog" award on to you.

    When you are feeling up to it, you can read the details on my blog at: Hi there! I wanted to let you know that I passed the "Liebster Blog" award on to you and your blog. You can see more about the aware on my blog at: http://livingadream2.blogspot.com/2012/01/new-friends-and-new-award_21.html

    Congrats!

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  11. Cindy, you've got way too much going on to worry about blogging and us. We'll be here for you whenever, wherever!...:)JP

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  12. Well I tried hitting the reply button at the end of each comment, but it's not working. So here we go...

    fullfreezer - I did go check out your post. And I really do appreciate the support here in blogland. Sometimes we can't fix things for other people, but the words of wisdom from others and just to know people care is so reassuring. We have had some downtime (away from the facility) since Friday. And I do take time out for me. And even though last week was busy, I did a couple of things for me. I was just sad over the pathetic situation.

    Cindy Bee

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  13. Dreaming - That is exactly what I am afraid of for my MIL. When she was in the nursing home getting therapy she said she was walking (with the aid of a walker of course) getting dressed in the morning, going to the bathroom by herself, etc. She was evaluated by the assisted living place and she was accepted. She hasn't been out of the wheelchair since she moved. She asked me to help her take a shower. I am NOT going to do it. I am not able. If she falls it's not going to be on my shoulders. I've done enough!

    Cindy Bee

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  14. PS - Dreaming - I just got that award a couple of weeks ago. Someone beat you to it :-) But thanks anyway. I'm honored you all think I deserve it, but I don't want to do it again! I feel bad when I can only choose five people....the pressure.....

    Cindy Bee

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  15. Cheri,

    I am soooo soooo sorry for your situation. It is much worse than mine. A thousand times worse. My MIL has lived 89 somewhat healthy years. I don't have children, but I worry enough about my nieces to know that when they hurt, you hurt. I will pray for you and your daughter. Has she ever tried bee stings? I've heard they are helpful for people with MS. Just make sure she isn't allergic. You are a sweetie.

    Cindy Bee

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  16. janis - Your town is so much more fun than ours! Have you been to the symphony? It's so fun. I like the outdoor events at Conner Prairie and the Symphony the best. There is nothing like July 4, at Conner Prairie, at the Symphony.

    I've decided we have draining situations, and draining people, and when the two come together and you have to deal with it, there is nothing left to give. So you are right, we have to do things for ourself to get over it. I have.

    Cindy Bee

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  17. Scribe - Thanks. I'm sure it isthe prayers that are helping.

    Cindy Bee

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  18. Reality Jayne,

    Why I didn't call you is beyond me. I just wasn't thinking clearly. I said I felt like she was in a wheelchair with everyone leaning over her all talking at once....well...I think it was me that everyone was talking to at once. Not her. I was on the phone to the nurse, and my MIL started talking to me while I was trying to listen to the nurse, and the director of the facility walked in and said, "are you ok?" I shook my head no! She got my MIL out of the room. Things settled down. I appreciate your offer though, because I think there will be a next time :-)

    Cindy Bee

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  19. Brenda,

    Don't worry about those patterns. Take care of yourself. I won't need them until NEXT winter! I'll wait until the last minute to use them you know.

    As for other siblings...he has two sisters. One lives in another state, one lives in another town, neither help. That's all I'm going to say about that!

    Cindy Bee

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  20. Julie,

    Funny story...last week I went to a "store" that sells wheelchairs, walkers, hospital bedding, etc. several times. They were the ones ordering the hospital bed, through medicare, for her. Well, there had been problems, so they go to know me from going there so often. On one trip in there I saw where they sold sinus rinse. So I picked up a box since I couldn't breath all week. When I was checking out the lady sitting down saw me and she said, "Deep cleansing breaths...." I said, "I would if I could!" and help up the sinus box I was buying. They all started laughing. I guess you had to be there.

    Cindy Bee

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  21. Buttons,

    I have had some 'me' time. It's like I said, everything just came to a head at once, and she is a draining person on a good day. Sorry to say it, but 'tis true.

    Cindy Bee

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  23. Thanks jennifer, fiona, and JP! I appreciate the thoughts.

    Cindy Bee

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  24. Phew - I got through this and I answered it here, because I don't want to talk about it anymore on my blog. Not for awhile anyway, if it can be helped. I am feeling better about things, she still has not gotten out of her wheelchair, but I can't do it for her. I can't make her do anything. I gave her a 'pep' talk and I've helped her with what I can help her with. The rest is up to her.

    Cindy Bee

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  25. Cindy Bindy!!! I was getting caught up on blogs and just realized that it was YOU that posted on my blog!!! I'm excited to read your blog!!! Now I can get all caught up on your life. I'm sorry you've had a rough week and you are in my thoughts!! Glad we can reconnect in cyberspace!!!

    Selena

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  26. Awww hon....I cried for you. I haven't done what you're doing but I've felt like you're feeling so many times. Life is sometimes so hard that you just can't stand it. When I started reading it and you said you had a heavy heart I thought you were telling us that your MIL had passed away. I wish I was closer to give you a huge hug. Cheer up, chin up....it WILL get better. You can only do so much and you are doing everything you can to help her and take care of your own things too. I'm sure writing it all down helped you also. Sometimes we need to get shit off our chest. Ya know? Your bloggy land friends love you! xoxox

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  27. you have a gold mine with those dogs of yours...next time anyone tries to give you any crap, make sure you have both pups with you on hand - people will bend over backwards to get you out of their building ;) or get you the right paperwork or the right bed... :D at least thats the way i would be thinking right about now! You have been through a war basically - im glad you know to make some "happy" time for you and shug in there too!

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  28. Hugs to you Cindy

    Thinking of you

    Cee xxoo

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Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to leave a comment on my blog. I enjoy reading them. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Cindy Bee